Child Development Child disciplining Parenting Advice Parenting Tips

10 SAYINGS HARMFUL TO YOUR CHILD’S PSYCHE – SO DON’T SAY THEM!

1. " You'll learn when you're older"
Do you really want your child learning what they are curious about from their friend, peers, or, better yet, from the inter net? Do you want them to think you don't care or don't have time for them? Well that's what will happen if you put off what your child inquires about until later or when it's more convenient for you.
a. Either answer their question honestly and openly or if you don't know, say "I really don't know, so let's find out together".
2. "I look and/or feel so fat"
Saying this tells your child that you have a very poor self-image about yourself; therefore, they'll eventually develop one too. So keep it to yourself if you even think it, don't speak it out loud.
a. Say instead, "I'm changing the way we eat because I want us all to be more healthy" or "I may not be model sized. However, I'm happy with myself and I can always do something about if I chose to" or "We all come in different sizes and learning to love yourself is what's most important of all"

3. "I'm tired of doing everything for you"

Be honest with yourself and ask WHO'S FAULT IS THAT? Have you been teaching your child to be helpful, responsible, and caring? Do they have household chores and do you expect them to clean up after themselves? If you don't then you need to read my previous post "IS IT REALLY ALWAYS THE PARENTS FAULT?" for advise and tips so you can start implementing some household rules.
a. Instead say, "I'd really appreciate it if you helped me with this", "I'm feeling overwhelmed with here and really would appreciate your help", or "If you help me with this, we can go to the park for a while".

4. "...because I said so"

Saying this accomplishes nothing what so ever. Matter of fact, your child will learn to tune you out. It's similar to saying "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO", it just doesn't work and your child knows it.
a. Explain instead, "You need to stop that or you're going to fall off and hurt yourself", "I said that because I don't want you to hurt yourself", or "You need to not yell so loud, please use your inside voice".

5. "Big boys/girls don't get scared"

Every man, woman, and child gets scared at one time or another. Making your child suppress this emotion will cause long time and lasting effects and can manifest itself in negative way in the future.
It's much better to ask them, "What is frightening you?" or "What is it that you're scared of?" (make sure to not downplay their fear but to face it together)

6. "Listen to all adults"

The most important adult in your child's life is YOU, their parent(s). It's your responsibility to arm them with knowledge of when and when NOT to listen to an adult.
a. Tell them, "Never listen to any adult who wants you to keep a secret form their parents", "Never listen to an adult who ask you to go with them, that they have lost something, or they offer you something to come with them " and especially tell them "NEVER talk to an adult online".

7. "Stop crying"

Any child will stop crying if given a reason to do so. As in #5, it's not good to suppress their crying if there is a reason to do so. I've heard parents yell at their child to stop crying, or totally ignore them while they're screaming/crying their head off. It's a very negative and harsh way to try and curb their child's crying. And, it seldom ever works. There are much more positive ways to get them to stop crying and I address them in my previous post "HOW TO CALM YOUR CHILD'S DRAMA IN ONE MINUTE".
a. So instead, ask them "What's the matter?", "Why are you crying?", "What's got you so upset?" or "You have a choice to stop crying or I'll have to put you in a time-out".

8. "Stop It!"

When you don't give your child explanations why you want them to NOT do something, you aren't teaching them. You're just yelling at them. If you don't explain, then how do they truly know what or why they shouldn't do what they were doing.
a. Try explaining like this, "Please, stop making that noise, it really hurts my ears", "Please, stop jumping on the couch. It's for sitting, not jumping" or "I'd appreciate it if you stop running in the house. Running is for outside not inside".

9. "Who Taught You That"

When your child does something wrong or negative, it's important to not place the blame of their action(s) on someone else. They're quite capable of getting into trouble all by themselves and as such, should be held responsible for their actions. Even going so far as to having to disciplining your child.
a. Instead it's important to ask, "Why did you CHOOSE to do...?"

10. "You're too young to be thinking about that"

Your child is living in a world where everything is displayed, said, and available for anyone to get to. So don't stick your head in the sand when your child starts asking you difficult questions. As in #1, be willing to answer or address their inquiries and if you don't know, be willing to look up the answer together. If your child can't trust you to help them and talk to them, they'll get the information from someone or somewhere else. And, you definitely don't want them getting a hold of incorrect or even dangerous answers.
a. First you need to ask "What made you come up with that idea, thought, or topic ?. Then you can find out if they heard, saw, or someone told them about the topic. From there tell them, "I'll explain it as best I can, and if you come up with any other questions, just ask me".

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