From the moment your child is born, tell them that you love them every day. For the rest of their lives and your, do not miss one day of telling them. Knowing how much they’re loved will make them feel secure and confident of their place within the family and in their lives.
Children, especially toddlers, hear “NO” too many times and too early in their lives. So instead, from the time your little one can understand you, use a sound like “Tut-Tut” or “Uh-Uh”. It’s a much better way of replacing the “NO”. Using the positive parenting method when reprimanding them, say these following phrases, “Please use your inside voice” or “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t yell so loud”. It’s extremely important that you use YOUR MANNERS in return by thanking them for doing what you asked.
Keep “NO” for times when your child puts themselves in danger, along with an explanation as to why, so they’ll – a) understand that you have a real reason for saying so, 2) understand as they become teenagers that there is a real and valid reason for telling them no.
I’m not saying that they won’t get upset or angry (they’re teenagers after all) but you have given them a valid reason for saying no. And, speaking from experience, make sure the reason makes sense and fits the situation because they’ll call you out on it.
Most parents, when their child doesn’t listen or misbehaves, use the TIME-OUT METHOD immediately and I’m going to share with you a method to use prior to using that. When implementing this method correctly, time-out can be totally avoided.
When your child misbehaves, FIRST, give them the chance to voluntarily change their behavior. Calmly, tell them they have a choice to stop the bad behavior (opting for a better one) or their other choice is time-out. More times than not, they’ll chose to change the behavior. When they do, praise them for making such a wonderful decision!
If they choose not to change their behavior than you must follow through with the time-out. However, there are certain ways to successfully implement it. 1) Choose a place where you little one can sit on the floor, facing a door or a wall (it really doesn’t matter if they can see the TV) and use the same time-out spot all the time. 2) this is a crucial step, set a timer that’s equal to their age. Starting as early as one and a-half, set the timer for one minute. It’s important that they can see or hear the timer go off because not only can it distract them, they’ll know when time-out is over and they can get up. 3) Be firm and consistent in keepping them seated, even if it means that you need to stand there with them to ensure they complete the session. It’s a part of parenting that’s not always fun but absolutely nescessary in following through with their discipline.
NEVER tell your child is a BAD girl or boy when they misbehave, it is an attack on their self-esteem. If constantly told that, then eventually start living up to it. It is not that the child is “bad”; but, that their behavior is not one that is acceptable.
The following are suggestions on what to say to them that’ll wok much better when disciplining them. Say “I don’t like that behavior”, “I don’t care for that behavior”, or “that behavior is unacceptable”, then give them their chance to change that behavior. Again, preface that time-out will have to be implemented if they don’t choose to correct themselves. You’ll be amazed how often they’ll choose to act better.
Here’s a prime example that I’m sure all parents have faced: you’re in the grocery store when they start misbehaving, tell them immediately that their behavior is an unacceptable one. T
hey have a choice to change it for the better or you’ll have to put back something they especially like in the grocery cart. Make sure to emphsize that you’re confident that they’ll make the right decision (dubliminal suggesting never hurts).
NEVER EVER use threats as a means of discipline! They’ll only make you sound mean and/or moronic because most of the threats I hear parents say are untrue or outrageous especially the “Santa won’t bring you any presents …” one. First of all, you know (and they’ll know) that won’t happen and secondly, it’s usually too far in the distance to use effectively.
Please, don’t use the ridiculous Counting Method! It doesn’t work – you end up counting all the time, your child will usually wait until the very last number, or they’re going to ignore you all together and you give up (there goes any kind of effectiveness).
You need to implement to these methods right away (it doesn’t matter if you’ve never done them before). Be firm, consistent, and persistent with your young one and you’ll start seeing positive results.