Here's the No-No list from my last post "IS IT REALLY ALWAYS THE PARENTS FAULT?" Beware! Are you doing any of them?
I promised to help you resolve all ten items on the No-No list. I'll cover each and every number so YOU don't raise a selfish, entitled, and/or lazy child. I know no parent really wants to raise a child like this, do you?
Let's get right to it:
1. If you don't allow your child to deal with the consequences of their misdeeds, actions, or bad behaviors, then they'll grow up not knowing right from wrong. They'll constantly do things they're not allowed to do because they know they won't get in trouble for it. Or, Mom and/or Dad will make the bad consequences disappear and nothing will ever be their fault or problem.
1A. Every child must be held accountable for their actions. This is done by: 1)giving them a choice to correct or change the bad behavior for a better one, 2)age appropriate time-out and if they're older they can lose a privilege i.e. cell phone (which, by the way, is a definite privilege), TV, Lap Top (unless doing homework but then they should be where you can monitor them), etc...
2. Not teaching them to do household chores (without paying them an allowance to do so) will create a very lazy child. One who thinks they live in a house with a built in maid/butler/yard servers or because they think that's what parents are suppose to do. Parents, that's how you'll be treated you if you don't teach them to participate in the running/operation of the household.
2A. It is imperative to teach children even the very basic household chores at a very early age. It will help them understand that they are a part of the household therefore are RESPONSIBLE for helping with its upkeep.
It's also important to teach them this for it will help them to become independent and self-sufficient.
Start at an early stage - 2 year old's are very capable of picking up some of their toys and putting them in a toy box or bin of some sort.
Graduate, age appropriately, to more tasks as they get older - i.e. help with clearing the table, putting dishes in the dishwasher, picking up their bedrooms, making their beds, putting away cleanly folded clothes, help bring in the groceries, putting the toilet paper on an empty toilet paper holder, putting out the garbage, cutting the lawn, raking leaves, etc...
3. If you give them "EVERYTHING YOU NEVER HAD GROWING UP!" then get ready to deal with a selfish and entitled child.
Unless you come from a truly horrid background, it's so detrimental to give them everything. If they never have to work for anything, then how do you expect them to go out into society and become successful, contributing adults.
So make them earn an allowance, it can be done as early as 5 years old. Just make sure that they are doing something other than the regular household chores.
As your child gets older they can do things like babysit, mow other people's lawns, sell lemonade, make crafts and sell them, sell things they don't want anymore, etc... It'll give them a great sense of accomplishment.
And, isn't an awesome feeling to have money of one's very own? Start by letting them put it in a jar so they'll see it accumulate or open a savings account for them when they get older and let them experience putting their money in the bank.
4. Giving them only the best of the best (name brand everything) when you really can't afford it, is what I call "KEEPING UP WITH THE JONES'" syndrome. Is your child really going to be smarter, prettier, or more talented just by things they own or wear?
4A. Unless you have the means to financially afford all the name brand things, I would highly recommend NOT getting them the "best of the best".
This can create a vain, selfish, and entitled child that will only expect more as they get older.
They'll have no concept of money, how to use it wisely, just how expensive things are, nor will they have any appreciation for what you sacrifice in order to get what they want.
Teach them that a person's worth is not in what they wear or have; but, rather in who they are inside and how they treat others.
Let them know that you'll always clothe them; but, if they want brand name things they need to earn the money honestly by working. Then they can spend it on whatever they want. They'll also get a better idea of just how expensive name brand items really are.
Teach them how to be frugal with their money. Don't forget that now-a-days there are a lot of stores that sell name brand items at very discounted prices.
5. If you're allowing them to talk disrespectfully to you, guess what, they'll talk that way to any authoritative figure.
5A. Respect, when it comes to parenting, CAN NOT be demanded. It must be earned by your actions and deeds as parents.
If you speak respectfully to your child, then odds are they'll reciprocate.
If they do talk disrespectfully, you calmly tell them that you do not like their tone of voice. And, they need to change it or you will choose not to listen to them. Believe me, know one likes to be ignored.
And, if they choose to ignore you, than use a time-out or other positive form of discipline.
6. Not being consistent or persistent with your child's discipline is the most common NO-NO of most parents. It's one that can be improved upon fairly easy.
6A. As parents, life can quite often interfere with the disciplining of children. The resolution to this is a simple one but one that has to be constantly done.
The easiest way to stay consistent and/or persistent is to repeat the same disciplining method over and over again without deviation.
Start by always giving your child the choice to correct their behavior, then use time-out if they chose not to correct it. You can utilize time-outs anywhere.
If in the car, then tell them that you will ignore them for however minutes you would usually put them in time-out.
If you're in the grocery store, park the cart by the bathroom and make them face the wall for said minutes and so on. Get creative.
This all can be done no matter where you are. When given a really good, positive incentive (not a bribe) to choose for that better behavior, your child will opt for that every time. ALWAYS THANK THEM AND PRAISE THEM FOR MAKING SUCH A GOOD CHOICE!!
7. In today's world it is imperative to keep up with your child's social media and also monitor how long they stay on it. Remember, a phone or a laptop (even for school) is a privilege, not a right.
7A. The old adage of "AS LONG AS YOU'RE UNDER MY ROOF, YOU'LL OBEY MY RULES" is true parents. You have the right to make or break the rules in YOUR household. Whether your kids like it or disagree with it.
I know that sound awfully hard nosed. However, if you had a choice between being a little hard on your child to keep them safe. Or, letting them have all the time and accessibility to whomever is lurking in the shadows of the internet, what would you choose?
Some parents find it difficult to keep up with the speed in which children are learning to use the internet these days. And, unfortunately, some are smart enough to undo/unlock any parental controls you use, so instead talk, talk, talk to them.
Show them many examples of kid of all ages who have been kidnapped or hurt by the monsters lurking out there. That anonymity is the monster's friend and your child will never truly know who it is they're talking to.
Teach them to NEVER share personal information with ANYONE they don't personally know (that means they've seen them in person and know exactly who they are).
Teach them that if a boyfriend/girlfriend ever wants to have "private" pictures of them that the internet is never private. Those pictures can be shown and shared with anyone, even pedophiles.
8. I've known quite a few parents who have allowed their under-aged child to drink alcohol because they have the mind set that "THEY'RE GOING TO DRINK ANYWAY, BETTER TO DO IT IN THE SAFETY OF THEIR OWN HOME". And, believe it or not, a lot of parents think that they're really doing the right thing.
8A. Well, I'm telling you that it definitely is not okay. Matter of fact, it's down right illegal - which is the wrong message to be teaching your child. Rules are there to be followed for a reason, just like the ones implemented within your own household.
As a parent, especially if you drink a lot of alcohol in their presence, you may be laying down the ground work for your child to become an alcoholic from the example you're setting.
It must be instilled in them and they must come to an understanding that laws and rules are there for specific purposes and they need to be obeyed and followed.
9. Criticizing for every little thing and/or humiliating them into doing something better is not only cruel; but, detrimental to your child's mental development. They'll become either a very frightened, insecure child or they'll become a heart hardened bully.
9A. A parent using the Positive Parenting Method would never criticize or humiliate their child.
A child that is encouraged becomes brave.
A child who is praised can accomplish anything.
A child who is taught kindness and empathy will be capable of infinite love for many.
10. I believe the very first foundation of what your child needs to learn is GOOD MANNERS! Without it there is no respect and a lack of kindness. There is instead - demands, thoughtlessness, and disrespect.
10A. GOOD MANNERS are a basic, fundamental practice that should be taught even before your child actually can talk.
As a parent, you should use "please" with almost everything you may ask of your child. "Please, close the door", "Please, use you quite/inside voice", "Will you please give me that", "Please do the dishes".
Teach them in turn to say "please" whenever they ask of anything.
Also teach them to say "thank you", "you're welcome", and teach them to say they're "sorry" when they do something wrong. And, parents, please do forget to show them that you are capable of apologizing when warranted.
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